Maximize Your Potential: The Power of 7 Effective Habits

Maximize Your Potential: The Power of 7 Effective Habits

Happy 2024! I hope you had a wonderful, rejuvenating holiday. I am feeling positive and excited about this year.

Let’s continue to cultivate a positive outlook! A recent conversation with my sister brought ​Stephen Covey​‘s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People back into my focus, a classic that has been guiding readers since its first publication in 1989. When I read this book, I had lots of ahs.

Covey’s Seven Habits are more than just tips; they are guideposts for leading a fulfilling personal and professional life. Let’s explore these timeless habits.

1. Be Proactive: Instead of reacting to things that happen, proactive people understand that their actions and decisions shape their lives. Try focusing on your circle of influence, the things they can actually do something about, rather than your circle of concern, which includes things out of your control.

2. Begin with the End in Mind: This habit is all about knowing your destination. It’s like setting up a life GPS – you need to know where you’re heading to navigate correctly. It’s about having a clear vision or goal, which helps guide your day-to-day actions and decisions. This habit is another version of making choices with your future self in mind.

3. Put First Things First: Picture your life as a jar filled with rocks, pebbles, and sand. The big rocks are your major priorities, and you’ve got to put them in first to make sure they fit. This habit is about organizing and managing your time and energy based on your personal priorities. It’s about being disciplined, but also flexible to ensure that you’re focusing on what’s truly important, not just what’s urgent.

4. Think Win-Win: This habit is about fostering an attitude of mutual benefit in all interactions. It’s not about being nice; it’s about being smart. It’s a mindset that looks for mutually beneficial solutions and agreements in your personal and professional relationships.

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: This habit is about listening empathetically, without interrupting, and really trying to grasp the perspective of others before pushing your own viewpoint. Build genuine connections and trust by showing that you truly value others’ thoughts and feelings.

6. Synergize: Value and respect people’s differences, realizing that together, we can produce far better results than individually. By bringing different perspectives and strengths together, you can create something truly extraordinary.

7. Sharpen the Saw: This habit is about self-renewal and self-care. Imagine your body and mind as a saw – you need to keep it sharp to cut through the wood of life effectively. It means regularly renewing and taking care of yourself in four areas: physical (exercise, nutrition), social/emotional (relationships, empathy), mental (learning, reading), and spiritual (values, meditation).

Each habit builds upon the others. It’s like having a personal toolbox for life. Regularly practicing the Seven Habits can profoundly shift for the better your outlook and experience in your career and personal life. Try it and let me know what you think!

Keep reading for a breakdown of each habit!

1. Be Proactive

At its core, being proactive is about recognizing that as individuals, we have the responsibility and the ability to choose our responses to any situation. We can choose how we react to circumstances, people, and events. It’s a shift from a reactive mindset (“Life happens to me”) to a proactive one (“I create my life”).

Reactive people often feel victimized by their environment and believe that external factors dictate their happiness and success. They use language like “I can’t,” “I have to,” or “If only.” Proactive people use language like “I can,” “I will,” or “I prefer.” This language reflects a belief in their own ability to influence events and outcomes.

A central element of being proactive is understanding the concept of the Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern. The Circle of Influence encloses the things we can do something about: our actions, attitudes, and the way we respond to situations. The Circle of Concern, however, encompasses things over which we have little or no control, like the weather, the economy, or others’ behavior. Proactive people focus their time and energy on the Circle of Influence. They work on things they can control, and as they do, their Circle of Influence expands.

Proactive people are aware of their values and goals, and they let these guide their actions. They are not easily swayed by emotions or external events. This self-awareness allows them to stay focused on their Circle of Influence, rather than getting caught up in reactive emotions.

In essence, Be Proactive is more than just taking action. It’s about taking responsibility for our own life. It’s about recognizing our own power to choose our response to any situation, to focus on our Circle of Influence, and to act with our deepest values and principles. This habit lays the foundation for all the other habits in Covey’s book and sets the stage for effective personal and professional leadership.

2. Begin with the End in Mind

Centers on the principle of envisioning your life’s goals and desired outcomes as a guide for your present actions

This habit is rooted in the principle that all things are created twice: there’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation. The mental creation is our vision, the clear idea of what we want to achieve. The physical creation follows our thoughts. Just like a building follows a blueprint, our actions and outcomes should follow our personal vision.

Covey suggests developing a personal mission statement as a part of this habit. This mission statement is like a personal constitution, a foundation upon which you base decisions, actions, and the evaluation of the paths you choose in life. It reflects your deepest values and the principles you choose to live by.

He guides us to explore goals in all areas of life: personal, professional, family, and community. By setting goals aligned with our values in each area, we create a balanced approach to our personal and professional development.

Begin with the End in Mind also involves a proactive approach to life. Rather than being a passive participant, we become the author of our life story. We’re encouraged to live life by design, not by default, actively shaping our own destiny rather than being shaped by circumstances.

In a practical sense, this habit is about continuously aligning our daily actions and decisions with our long-term vision, ensuring that we are on the right path toward our desired destination.

Overall, Begin with the End in Mind is a call to action to live a life of intention and purpose. It’s about defining what truly matters to us and directing our talents and energies towards those desires.

3. Put First Things First

This habit is all about prioritization and time management, organizing our lives in line with what’s most important.

Covey introduces the concept of a Time Management Matrix to explain this habit. This matrix is divided into four quadrants representing different activities:

Quadrant 1 (Urgent and Important): These are crises and emergencies, things that demand immediate attention. They’re often associated with someone else’s priorities. While these tasks are important, constantly operating in this quadrant leads to stress and burnout.

Quadrant 2(Not Urgent but Important): This is the heart of effective personal management. Activities here include relationship building, long-term planning, exercising, and personal development. They’re not pressing, but crucial for long-term success and well-being. Covey argues effective people spend most of their time in this quadrant.

Quadrant 3 (Urgent but Not Important): These tasks are often interruptions with little value, like some calls, emails, or meetings. They seem urgent but don’t significantly contribute to our long-term objectives or values.

Quadrant 4 (Neither Urgent nor Important): These are the time-wasters, the trivial activities, and distractions that don’t add any real value to our lives or goals.

Put First Things First is about saying no to less important things so that you can say yes to things that really matter. It’s not just time management, but self-management, giving a framework for making daily decisions that align with your long-term goals and values.

Covey emphasizes that effective time management involves a paradigm shift from being busy to being productive. This means being mindful of our everyday choices and recognizing the difference between what is urgent and what is important.

Implementing this habit involves planning and prioritizing weekly rather than daily. Covey suggests identifying roles (like parent, employee, friend) and setting goals within each role every week. Then, scheduling time for these goals ensures your week reflects your most important priorities.

Put First Things First is about living life according to your deepest values and making sure that your daily actions reflect these values. It’s about not letting the urgent drown out the important so that you can achieve a more balanced, effective, and fulfilling life.

4. Think Win-Win

This habit is central to building positive and effective relationships, both personally and professionally.

Think Win-Win isn’t just a technique; it’s a philosophy of human interaction. It’s based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everyone, and one person’s success doesn’t have to come at the expense of others. Solutions can be found that will benefit all parties involved. This approach fosters respectful, nurturing, and sustainable relationships.

Covey contrasts Win-Win with other paradigms:

  • Win-Lose: The attitude of “if I win, you lose.” It’s a competitive viewpoint that sees life as a zero-sum game. This mindset often stems from deep-rooted insecurities and the need to dominate.
  • Lose-Win: This is a weak approach where one person capitulates to the other’s demands. It’s a “I lose, you win” mindset, often resulting from a desire to appease others and avoid confrontation.
  • Lose-Lose: When two stubborn parties interact, both might end up losing. It’s often the result of a Win-Lose attitude clashing with another Win-Lose attitude.
  • Win: This approach seeks personal victory without considering the impact on others.
  • Win-Win or No Deal: If a mutually beneficial solution isn’t available, the parties agree to disagree agreeably – no deal. This option is better than being stuck in a situation where one or both parties feel exploited or resentful.

To adopt a Win-Win mentality, Covey suggests developing an abundance mindset, the belief that there’s enough for everyone. This contrasts with the scarcity mindset, where people see everything in terms of win-lose. With an abundance mindset, you believe that by working together, everyone can benefit.

In practical terms, implementing a Win-Win approach involves clear, open, and honest communication. It’s important to understand and clarify personal values and expectations and to be open to understanding and valuing others’ perspectives. This approach is particularly effective in negotiations and conflict resolution, where understanding and meeting the needs of all parties can lead to more durable and satisfying outcomes.

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

This habit is foundational for effective listening and empathetic engagement with others.

Covey describes this habit as the key to effective interpersonal communication. He explains that most people typically seek first to be understood; they want to get their point across. In doing so, they often ignore the other person’s perspective, listen selectively, or focus on a reply while the other person is still speaking. This approach can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of connection.

To Seek First to Understand means to really listen to another person’s ideas and feelings intending to understand, not to reply. It’s about empathetically listening with the aim of genuinely understanding the other person’s frame of reference and feelings. Covey emphasizes that empathetic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding what is said. It’s about understanding the emotion and meaning underlying the words.

Then to Be Understood is the second part of this habit. Covey points out that if you have genuinely listened and understood the other person, they are more likely to be receptive and open to your perspective. This part of the habit is about presenting your ideas clearly, concisely, and effectively after you have listened empathetically. It’s about making your point in a way that others can understand and accept.

In practice, this habit requires us to develop our listening skills. Covey differentiates between five levels of listening: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, attentive listening, and empathetic listening. Empathetic listening is the most effective, as it involves listening intending to understand.

This habit can transform personal and professional relationships. By truly understanding another person’s perspective, we open up possibilities for creative problem-solving, mutual understanding, and cooperation.

6. Synergize

This habit is about the combined power of teamwork.

Covey describes synergy as the essence of principle-centered leadership. It is the belief that when people combine their strengths, they can produce outcomes that are far superior to what they could achieve alone. This isn’t just about working together; it’s about creating something innovative and extraordinary through collaboration and collective effort.

Synergy is based on the idea that differences should be celebrated and leveraged rather than merely tolerated. Covey stresses that true synergy requires open-mindedness and the willingness to explore new approaches. It involves being genuinely open to other people’s influence, valuing their perspectives, and bringing together diverse viewpoints to find a better solution.

A key aspect of synergizing is effective communication. This requires building on the fifth habit – ‘Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.’ By truly understanding and valuing each other’s input, team members can create a safe and open environment for discussing new ideas and perspectives.

Synergy is also about creative cooperation. It’s a process that involves brainstorming, open dialogue, and the shared excitement of discovering new solutions.

In practical terms, achieving synergy within a team or group requires a culture of trust and respect. Members must feel valued and safe to express their ideas and viewpoints. Leaders play a crucial role in fostering this environment, encouraging diversity of thought, and mediating to combine these diverse perspectives into a coherent and effective strategy.

Synergize is a powerful concept that can transform interpersonal relationships and group dynamics. This habit is essential for effective teamwork, innovative problem-solving, and achieving extraordinary results in any collaborative endeavor.

7. Sharpen the Saw

Is the concept of self-care and continuous improvement. It’s about taking care of and enhancing your greatest asset – yourself. This habit is the key to preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have.

Covey uses the metaphor of a woodcutter who is sawing for several days straight and is becoming less and less productive. The process of cutting dulls the saw. So, the solution is to stop periodically and sharpen the saw.. In our lives, this means taking the time to renew ourselves in four key areas.

1. Physical Renewal: This involves caring for your physical body – exercise, nutrition, and rest. Physical well-being is the foundation of effective living and performance. Regular exercise improves mood, health, and energy levels, enabling more effective functioning in all other areas of life.

2. Social/Emotional Renewal: This is about building and maintaining healthy relationships with others. It involves empathic communication, deep listening, and genuine connection with people. This aspect focuses on developing interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence, and a supportive network of relationships.

3. Mental Renewal: This area involves stimulating and expanding your mind. Reading, writing, learning new skills, and engaging in creative activities keep the mind sharp and ready to tackle challenges. It’s about education and intellectual growth, continuously expanding your knowledge and skills.

4. Spiritual Renewal: This area is about inner peace, values, and reflection. It could involve meditation, prayer, music, art, nature, or anything else that provides you with a sense of purpose, peace, and personal worth. This aspect helps you to connect with your inner values and gives a sense of meaning and purpose to your life.

Covey emphasizes that neglecting any of these areas can lead to feeling unbalanced and less effective. It’s like trying to cut wood with a dull saw – you might be working hard, but not smart.

Sharpen the Saw encapsulates the essence of personal growth and self-care. It’s about maintaining balance, renewing yourself regularly, and ensuring you have the energy, ability, and focus to achieve your best in every aspect of life.

Write Your Future! Unleashing the Power of Future-Driven Creativity

Write Your Future! Unleashing the Power of Future-Driven Creativity

As we head into the new year, let’s talk about a powerful new mindset that will supercharge your 2024. The concept of making choices from the perspective of Future You from ​Benjamin Hardy​‘s book Personality Isn’t Permanent.​

The two main parts of this concept are:

  1. Vision-Driven Choices: Instead of making decisions based on current preferences, emotions, or circumstances, make choices that align with who you want to be in the future – your desired future self. Ask what your future self would do and make decisions that reflect that.
  2. ​Long-Term Thinking​: Consider how today’s choices will affect your future. Prioritize actions that bring you closer to your future goals.

Embracing Your Future You in Your Daily Writing Routine

Let’s explore how thinking about your future self can invigorate and guide your writing journey.

1. Define Your Future Writer Self

Picture who you want to be as a writer. What kind of stories do you want to tell? What voice do you wish to develop? Make it as concrete as possible. Maybe your future self creates witty banter, or you’re the next big thing in mystery novels. This vision will serve as your north star, guiding your daily writing routine.

2. Set Goals Aligned with Your Future You

Once you have a clear picture of your future writer self, set goals that align with this vision. These goals should be specific, measurable, and time-bound. For instance, if your future self is an accomplished novelist, your goal might be to complete a novel draft in a year. This means setting daily or weekly writing targets that contribute to this larger goal.

3. Make Decisions with Future You in Mind

Every day, you’re at a crossroads: to write or not to write. Here’s a cool trick – ask yourself, “What would my future successful writer self do?” Even on those days when your muse is playing hide and seek, remember, your future self is counting on you to keep the words flowing. This mindset is your secret weapon for staying on track.

4. Embrace Learning and Improving Your Craft

The journey to your future self is paved with learning and growth. ​Dedicate time to learning​ new writing skills. Embrace new writing exercises, genres, or techniques. Your future self is a more skilled writer because they weren’t afraid to experiment and learn.

5. Reflect and Revise Regularly

Growth is all about change, and so are your writing goals. Keep checking in with yourself. Celebrate those big wins (and the little ones too)! If your future self is nudging you towards a new genre or media, go for it! Be flexible enough to accommodate these evolving goals.

Conclusion

Applying the Future You concept to your writing isn’t just about ticking off goals. It’s about aligning your everyday hustle with where you want to be down the road. It’s about being bold, learning, and evolving. Remember, the amazing writer you’ll be tomorrow is taking shape with every word you write today.


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Don’t be Afraid to Ask For Help

Don’t be Afraid to Ask For Help

This weekend I was at a conference with my mother and I had to take her to the emergency room. It’s always scary when someone you love is in pain. It was even more scary to be away from home and have to go to an unfamiliar hospital.

I’m used to handling emergencies like this on my own. I was sitting with her in the emergency room, scared. I thought if this goes south, I’m going to need help. By then it was the middle of the night, but I pushed aside my normal feeling of not wanting to bother anyone and texted our friends who were at the conference with us. I was so glad I did. This is a group of remarkable women. And they immediately texted back what hospital are you at; can we come?; what do you need? I felt amazing to be surrounded by that much love and support. Thankfully, the doctors could help my mom and she ended up being released early that morning.

Ask For Help

I took a big lesson from that experience – do not be afraid to ask for help. This was a big instance, a genuine emergency. But I still had to push through my inner resistance of thinking I can handle everything by myself.

When you need help, whether it is in a scary situation, or you get stuck in your story, or you can’t figure out the latest business software, do not be afraid to ask for help. Think of yourself as a contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and phone a friend.

There was a big Hollywood agent who loved mentoring people. And one thing he taught was you are never more than five phone calls away from a solution. If you call someone and they don’t know the answer, they’re going to pass you on to someone who does.

When you come up against a roadblock in your life, look at your family; look at your friends; look at your business colleagues. And don’t be afraid to call them and ask for advice. If you think someone might help you with something you’re struggling with, reach out. Remember, people like being helpful. It makes them feel good to be of service.

Psychologists say that Americans are the most lonely that we have ever been. Most people don’t even have one close friend. If you are feeling alone, my heart goes out to you. I encourage you to start building a community. Even though lots of us are working from home now, ask a colleague out to lunch. Have a potluck and invite your neighbors over. Consider joining a church or a club. Look on Meet Up for activities and groups in your area. You’ll be surprised at the cool things going on in your community.

I know it can feel scary putting yourself out there. But it also feels good to meet new people and make new relationships. The women I was traveling with this past weekend, I only met two years ago. And they were willing to come to the hospital in the middle of the night at the drop of a hat.

Be Helpful

The flip side is be helpful. When you know that a neighbor or a friend is having a hard time, check up on them. Be willing to mentor new people in your industry. Be happy to give advice and support to whoever in your life needs it. Generosity is always rewarded.


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Turning Procrastination into Progress

Turning Procrastination into Progress

Yesterday I asked a man at my gym how his book was going, and he panicked. My inquiry was supportive, not to make him feel bad for not writing. Whether we have a day job or are lucky enough to write full time, sitting down to write is difficult for most writers, myself included. Sometimes an innocent question like how’s your book going leads to guilt, imposter syndrome, and feeling like a failure. Don’t beat yourself up.​ Procrastination is part of being creative​. Often, procrastination is when our subconscious is working on ideas.

I encourage everybody to change their perspective. Instead of feeling bad about how little time you spend writing, feel proud about the time you spend writing. Some days I write for hours, others just a few minutes. It all depends on my schedule and energy level.

If you are struggling to sit down to write, try this trick. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write without stopping. If you get in the flow, keep it up. If not, that’s okay too. You can make a lot of progress 10 minutes at a time. I know one woman who wrote the first draft of her first novel longhand in her car while she waited in the carpool pickup line.

Instead of feeling like we have to be in the right headspace and have a lot of energy and time, write for just a few minutes each day.​ Keeping that commitment ​to yourself will make you feel better about your project and give you confidence. And if you feel better, you’ll want to write more.

When someone asks you about your latest writing project, don’t feel bad. Instead, look on it as support and interest in what you are doing. You don’t have to give them a long drawn-out answer about where you are in your project or what it’s about. Just say it’s going great! And keep writing.


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What is your definition of success? Fame, Fortune, or Freedom?

What is your definition of success? Fame, Fortune, or Freedom?

Last week we talked about the​ three hats you wear in a successful creative career​ – the Maker, the Manager, and the Marketer. This week, we’re discussing the importance of defining what success means to you. When we understand our priorities, our decisions become more focused and more productive to get us to our goals more quickly.

There are three areas of your life that intersect when we talk about success: fame, fortune, and freedom.

There is no right or wrong answer. Each of us must decide which of the three is the most important to us. Once we have a focus, fame, fortune, or freedom becomes our north star by which we make all our career and life decisions.

These three things intersect and overlap. Fame brings fortune, and fortune brings freedom. Dig deep within yourself to figure out which of the three is your most important value. The answer is different for everyone.

Let’s explore.

Fame

​Andy Warhol​ said everyone is famous for 15 minutes. With social media and the Internet, fame can come quickly. You can go from a nobody to an Internet famous video star in a few minutes. If fame is your guiding value, you will make decisions differently than other people. Fame doesn’t just mean going viral. It can mean winning an Academy Award. Hitting the bestseller list. Being interviewed by the New York Times or a guesting as a pundit on Fox News.

Fortune

It is human nature to want to have money. While money can’t buy happiness, it makes life much easier. And there is nothing wrong with making money your priority. Wanting to be financially successful differs from being greedy. If your definition of success is making money, you are going to make decisions differently than someone whose leading value is fame. For example, producing a viral video doesn’t always make you money. But there are ways to make money from videos whether or not they are viral.

In American culture, we have lots of judgment around money and wealth. But we all need money in our current system and there is nothing wrong with wanting to live a comfortable life.

Freedom

People who value freedom above everything else build a life where they have choices and feel in charge of their destiny. Freedom people usually want to be their own boss, set their own schedule, and travel. Freedom leading people are usually not nine to fivers and they’re bigger risk takers. They also make compromises in their life, giving up some things like the security of a corporate job for the freedom of being able to go where they want and do what they want.

How Will You Structure Your Life?

I can’t believe we are halfway through the year. When you are planning out the remainder of your year, think about these three values and which is most important to you. Then make your plans accordingly. The direction your life takes with this new perspective might surprise you.

Fame, fortune, and freedom are all fabulous! Go for it!


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The Power of Perspective: How Disasters Can Lead to Something Great

The Power of Perspective: How Disasters Can Lead to Something Great

If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know I am an enthusiastic glass half full kind of person. I understand that relentlessly always looking on the good side can sometimes feel exhausting, irritating, and fake. However, I have noticed with hindsight, often things that seem like disasters turn out to be for the best.

After all, there is that maxim comedy is tragedy plus time. Time and distance give us a new perspective about seemingly negative events. I have noticed in my life I am grateful for not getting some things I really wanted.

Sometimes it’s hard to recover when things don’t work out the way you hoped. But having a bigger picture attitude of I’m not sure why this is happening, but it could be for the best, can help your recovery time.

I was reminded of this comedy is tragedy plus time philosophy this morning on my walk with Lucky. I met a neighbor whose brick house I’ve always admired. When I complimented her, she was pleased. Then she told me an interesting story. When she built the house, she didn’t like the brick that she had chosen. Strangely, it started falling off in spots, which meant she had to remove the brick off the entire house. This was, of course, a loud, long, stressful process. But the flip side was she got to pick the bricks that she really wanted and now she loves her house.

I encourage you, when your own bricks are falling down, to experience all the emotions of frustration and disappointment. But also, to hold space that this disaster might eventually turn into something great.


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